Dear Amy:

I recieved my ladies group email that gives us a chance to think ahead on the subject we will be discussing this week.  And in this wonderful email from Amy I found she is asking each of us to focus on a word that God has "given us" to focus on for this year, versus doing a Resolution.  Obviously, I agree with this, only I had already gone a different direction by focusing on my monthly goals.  I emailed Amy back asking if I really needed to focus on a "word" as I felt I had already prayed pretty hard on this 12 step goal.

Wouldn't you know, that it turns out Amy is right!!!  I thought about what kind of word does God want ME to focus on.  Couldn't come up with anything.  Baffled me all day.  Then after work I close friend of mine asks me to explain my reasons for giving up items for 30 days.  This is the same friend that many years ago she used to be the one who would drag me kicking and screaming out the door everyday to go walking.  I hated it at first, but slowly found out after the first month that I came to actually ENJOY doing it. So while on the phone with this friend I asked her "why is it that we KNOW that walking makes us feel better, so why don't we make ourselves do it?"  I also told her that Facebook has become my instant fix/addiction.  I am happy cause it entertains me (temporarily) but it has been keeping me from doing the things that I KNOW will make me feel better. For me walking/exercising and my bible readings make me FEEL BETTER!!  I am not saying I have to get rid of Facebook altogether, but by giving it up for one month I am proving to myself that I will not die without it.  And that if I can just teach myself MODERATION, that I can still do the Facebook and other things I enjoy in moderation, but make time to do the things that I know makes me feel good!!!  TADA.  It's been there all along.  Why is it we know the answers, but it takes forever for us to truly understand them??? 

All that to just let Amy know that I have chosen my word for 2011.  MODERATION!!!  I do not have to give EVERYTHING UP FOREVER.....God just wants me to learn that I will not die without it, then teach me to learn moderation once I bring those items back into my daily routines.  And why, in this moment do I feel this extreme happiness that I haven't felt in a long time??  Will that happiness go away, or will I learn to continue to grow and build from what I am learning at this very moment??

And wow, have I mentioned I truly enjoy this blogging.  Typing is way faster for me than handwriting...and these thoughts come so quickly that I would never be able to keep up if I had to write this all down.  No wonder every journal I have ever started only lasts for a week or a month.....then slowly goes away. 

Well...due to the fact that I have other things that need to be accomplish tonight, I will be signing off for now.  Look forward to updating tomorrow after my appointment with my Oncologist.  Good Night!

~Momma T~