Why do people Apologize when they really don't mean it????

Frustrated, Angry, re-opened old wounds, confusion I just can't describle all the emotions I am feeling. Besides being bitter for the fact that this person chose today of all days (weeks, and months) to decide he wants to apologize for ever hurting me.  No explanation why, just that he is apologizing to everyone he has hurt and this is something new he wants to do for this year. 

I AM ANGRY.  Honestly I would have been better off had the apology never came.  I don't want to accept the apology and don't feel like I have to as there is no explanation to "why now".

So someone, PLEASE explain to me why I am having to take beating after beating this week.  I need a serious break....it is really hard to stay positivie and achieve my goals of happiness for  this year with all these attacks coming at me from every angle.  (I am too tired right now to explain the whole thing in detail, so if your truly nosey, go to my Caringbridge link on the right side of this blog)

I have not cheated by going on to Facebook yet, but I want to desperately.  But I also desperately do not want to live this life anymore.  Yes, during my hug from my most favorite church lady...she reminds me that God really is here and that he really is hurting for me and trying to take on my burdens.  But I don't feel him, and my burdens are not being lifted.  So hard to remain a faithful Christian when  you just can not see past the pain.  (then to get slammed this evening with a TEXTED APOLOGY, are you kidding me??)

Obviously I am not giving up, but I am just soooo tired...exhausted and at my ropes end.  Yes, continue to pray for me.  I can only believe that in time those prayers will work.  I want to be happy, healed and just live a normal life. Yes, a normal life would be like not worrying about how I am going to buy the stupid water softner salt, a new filter for my furnace or even  laundry soap.  I hate it that everytime I find out I am out of something and buy it....that something NEW comes up..and the money is just not there to take care of it.  Makes me feel like a failure more than anything else.   

Tomorrow is a new day...so I am going to do what I always do, and put my best face forward. Just hope my boss is not angry with me for crying at work..once again. If she would just not bring it up, I think I will be able to make it through the day.  Isn't it horrible when you are scared to go to work in fear of getting in trouble. UGH.  (just stay positive, just stay positive, just stay positive, just stay positive)

Good night all

~Momma T~